The 4 S formula of communication

UV 431/10,000 James 1 v 19 The 4 S formula of communication Jas 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath The golden thumb rule of communication 2:1 , that is, to hear at least double of what we speak since God has given us two ears and only one mouth can save us a lot of trouble in real life. I also call it the 4 S formula from swift-slow-speak-slow in the uni-verse. We must discipline ourselves so that we spend more time listening and less time talking. We develop patience in waiting to hear the viewpoint of others before making known our own. We must not multiply our words even in worship but wait in the presence of the Lord to hear the Trinity speaking to us. Scripture is uncompromising in declaring that a multitude of words is a sure sign of folly and sin. St James appealed to the early believers as beloved brethren in order to impress upon their hearts this vital truth. We must be quick to hear not just the words but to understand the feelings behind those words, the context and the purpose of the speaker. When we practice this habit and art, we will be skilled enough to pick up the meanings conveyed by silence and body gestures or body language. Words rush out of our mouths faster than horses run out of stables as we do not exercise control of the reins that the mind can tie over the mouth. It reminds me of the time we used to do horse riding. The horse I used to ride would suddenly gallop without provocation or command while the rest of the class were trotting around. We feel some passion or emotion and act or speak like a galloping horse out of control and then, we think and regret. This pattern of communication and life is FAT or Feel-Act-Think. It is bound to fill our life with misery and failure. Speaking is also action- since it is the action of the mouth and vocal cords. Instead, we must practice Think- Emote- Act or the TEA pattern of communication. FAT will make us and others suffer while we will enjoy TEA. The absence of anger management in today’s world is leading to a higher suicide, murder, divorce, crime as well as unrecorded and unregistered misery rates. Of the five segments of self management, Thought, Temperament, Tongue, Talent and Time, two relate to the temper and the tongue. This uni-verse connects the two as anger is often expressed and caused by the inappropriate use of the tongue. Our words often provoke anger even though a gentle answer can quiet fierce wrath. A careless word can create a major domestic storm just as a careless match can start a forest fire. I read the other day the insightful observation of how a careless match can start a forest fire while a whole box of matches lies wasted while lighting a camp fire. The destructive use of the potential of our tongues and temper does not require much thought or training or planning. It will just happen. But, for our lives to be constructive and productive, to be a blessing we need to consciously exercise control over the reins on our mouths and our temper. For the next ninety days, we can resolve to watch our communication and that of others to analyse if it is based on a FAT or a TEA pattern. Simultaneously, we can ask the Lord for wisdom and grace to fill the gaps in our communication and anger patterns. Prateep V Philip